Mon, May 20

A language of resistance

Have you ever noticed how much your speech contains elements of resistance? You've probably heard or used phrases like: "I'm fighting aging." "I'm doing battle with the bulge around my middle." "I hate my graying hair!" Resistance to aging is also apparent in the age-defying serums and wrinkle-erasing creams on the market.

Other situations besides aging are prone to resistant language: "My mother is struggling against cancer." "We're trying to beat AIDS." In this country, we have a war on terror, a war on drugs, and we fight crime.

Those situations and conditions that you "fight" against you actually keep in place. What you resist persists. Why? Because that which you resist - the thing you don't want - captures your attention. When you pay attention to something, it expands, both personally and as a nation.

Talking about your dislikes keeps your attention on them. When you speak in terms of defying, resisting, fighting, struggling and battling, your spoken word manifests what you don't want. For example, show me someone who is consistently sick, and I'll show you someone who talks a lot about illness and disease.

Do you often use words like "I want," I should," and "I need to?" When you constantly talk about wanting and needing, you keep in place conditions of want and need. Wanting more money ensures that you will continue to want more money, no matter how much comes your way.

When you frequently say "I should," you create a back door from which to escape doing the thing you "should" do. Begin to replace "should," "want to" and "need to." Instead of "I need to (or I should) eat a healthier diet," practice saying "I choose to eat a healthier diet."

Commitment words like "I will," "I choose," and "I commit" allow you no wiggle room. If you can't say them, be honest. You may not be ready to commit to eating healthier food right now. Let that be OK.

You will thus listen to yourself with more respect, and you will feel more in charge of your life.

We often resist situations because we don't like how they make us feel. I'm not suggesting that you have to feel good about negative situations in order to stop resisting them. Accept your wrinkles or your middle or cancer or terrorism by allowing yourself to feel all of your fear, pain, anger, sadness or guilt.

Author, Raphael Cushnir wrote that allowing yourself to feel everything puts an end to resistance. You embrace a different energy. You open up channels for fresh ideas and alternative, loving actions to flow into your life.

Begin today to incorporate these alternative ways of speaking. Talk about what makes your heart sing! It will take practice. Let me know what kind of difference it makes!

To contact Dr. Marta, Life Coach in Communication, e-mail her at or call (928) 451-9482.