Wed, April 08

Around the Around the Bluhmin’ Town: Ready or not swimsuit season has arrived

Judy Bluhm

Judy Bluhm

Are you ready for swimsuit weather? Because it has arrived, ready or not. Hmm . . let me guess, you’d rather walk a plank with a gang of blood-thirsty pirates behind you and a bunch of sharks with their jaws wide open waiting for you to jump, before you’d like to go “public” in a bathing suit. Don’t worry, you are not alone!

About eighty percent of American adults over the age of forty claim that they aren’t “comfortable” with the way they look in a swimsuit. A shocking fifty percent of adult women say they would rather “have a heart attack” than wear a bathing suit in front of anyone!

I guess I need to buy a bathing suit because my family wants to go tubing down the Salt River. But I hate the thought of having to buy a swimsuit! Have you done this lately? It is pretty intimidating to go to a store to try one on. This is not an exercise for the weak, as only the brave can survive. There, under the unforgiving florescent lights and the horror of three-way mirrors, it is the “time of reckoning” that will make most women physically ill.

Those evil mirrors reveal every bulge, ripple, lump, bump, cellulite, flab, tummy, and thigh, all of it completely and grossly exposed. Every potato chip, high carb treat, piece of pie and plate of pasta is suddenly staring back at you in a room full or mirrors. More terrifying than a “Fun House.” No mercy, no denial, just absolute honesty made worse by the glare of bright lights! Lordy help us!

A woman in her mid-50s went bathing suit shopping with her husband. She went to the dressing room, tried on a one-piece and when she stood in front of the three-way mirror she was so horrified that she let out a blood-curdling, “Noooooo.”. A sales associate called security. When the woman’s husband, who was somewhere else in the store heard his wife’s shrieks, he went running into the women’s dressing room to stop whoever was murdering her. He was met by a lady running out who hit him with her handbag several times until he was screaming too. Oh yea, buying swimsuits can get pretty ugly.

Need a bathing suit? No worries. Head for the gym, run that mile, lift those weights, skip dessert and by August (2020) you will look fabulous. Or, go ahead, expose yourself and be proud! Why should only very beautiful model-like gals have all of the fun? Besides, aren’t we supposed to “embrace” our curves?

It may take determination to try on a bathing suit and courage to wear it, but we can do this! My solution? I am going to get a wet suit. It’s the perfect cover-up.. . .head to toe spandex! See you on the river or at the beach!

Judy Bluhm is a writer and a local realtor. Have a comment or a story? Email Judy at

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