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Your inner strength comes from bending forward

Magdalena Romanska

Magdalena Romanska

On the social “niceness” scale of unbearable lightness of being, reaching out/leaning forward/lending a hearing ear/crying shoulder score high. On the physical scale, leaning forward brings on the back pain, kyphosis, and neck strain. Isn’t it the cry of your body to bend forward less?

Is it beneficial for you to reach out/bend forward/give in too often to accommodate the others? Likely, not. It might seem beneficial to your interlocutor, but it is not good for you.

Being nice, pleasing and forward oriented toward the others is one of the presumed social standards. If you start building a “protective bubble” around yourself, you might be perceived as less social, friendly, or less family oriented. Awkward. Strange. Straightforwardly asocial. Not normal. Which is one of the worst … because if I am “not normal”, then, there is something wrong with me, not with those around me.

Or else?

Well, let’s talk accommodating the needs of others. You aim to do it. Even if at one point or another, you honestly stop thinking this is of any benefit to you.

See, this is all about the balance: you expand your energy and you shall receive a similar “amount” of it back. Or you go into a deficit. The deficit might be building over months/years. But at one point, it will hit you: You are in that energetic deficit as you keep giving and you are not receiving equally much.

You care about your family, of course. Your kid “wants” a car. Or a new (higher, not lower) allowance.

You care about your clients, too. 10 p.m. on Sunday night, too. Because if you don’t, they might assume that you are not there for them, or you plain dead abandoned them, or you got a problem with your phone text system (or with yourself). Note: You clearly have a problem, not them. They are just calling you at 10 p.m. on Sunday, so truly, just talk to them …

You also care about your community, as I do. Three years ago. I was in the post-divorce whirlwind spiral and on a strict budget. I’ve been always giving, donating to the shelters, supporting the charities ... That day, I walked out of a grocery store with two bags of necessities for me and my daughter.

A fundraiser was going on. One of the two fundraisers encouraged me to donate. I said, sorry, I cannot right now, but thank you for all you do. I got a nasty comment back, which was very shocking. See, the fundraisers did not truly know what I was going through and, on the spur of the moment, one of them judged me for not giving. That was the month when I had to transfer $7 between the two accounts of mine so things did not bounce back.

So, physically and emotionally … bend forward a bit, but not too much. And those upper back exercises, such as basic rows and spine strengtheners are a saver to keep our shoulders strong! And once you look strong, the others perceive you as strong and you are strong.


Magdalena is the owner of the Be Fit Fit Personal Training Studio ( and the Top 5% Chairman’s Board Realtor® at the Russ Lyon Sotheby’s International in Sedona. Visit her “Be Fit Fit” blog at

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